i lead a small, simple life.

It's a rainy Friday morning and the view of Jim's plaid collection from my bed seems more promising than venturing the half a block for my normal day-off breakfast at Five Points. So in order to buy myself a few more minutes in bed without feeling lazy, I'll write...


"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?"


It's is a quote from You've Got Mail, one of my favorite movies, that I always find myself relating to. I feel like I lead this, small and simple life. I think until I really started 'dejunking' my life, I thought that it was a bad thing. But the more I challenge myself to change, the more I realize that all I want is a small and simple life. I want the type of life where I create with my hands and my mind. My grammy Tollini told me about how little her family's life was effected during the Depression. With a family of 12 children, I find it unbelievable so I ask her to tell me about it regularly to make sure she isn't mixing up her facts at 93-years-old. She lived in the country. They grew their own food and most of their needs were met with their own two hands. That is the life that I want to live. I know that I want to live a life that is hard-earned but that no one can take away from me.

I work a job that can be grueling and stressful for less than living wage. Some days I come home feeling defeated that I pour myself into children who in five years won't remember me while not making ends meet or so easily hit me when they're having a hissy fit. I know that I am called to work with children and so I absorb the stress and the financial loss until I can move abroad and walk out my dreams (or stay here and make my dream coffeeshop). But what I find, at the end of a long day, is that I come home to something amazing each day. 

My house is far more than just four walls. There is love here. I'm greeted immediately at the door by Carl, a pit bull-mastiff mix. For being such a tough guy he certainly knows how to make you feel needed and wanted. He's my roommates dog and to be honest when I moved in I wasn't sure how I was going to like living with my roommate, knowing maybe more his public persona than anything real about him. What I found is that I gained more than a friend but someone that I consider a brother. He's always quick with a joke when things get tense and when I find myself on the stairs sneaking an unusual alone moment, he checks, just to make sure that I'm okay. And of course, Jim, who can light up my whole day with just one smile. I have found myself wanting to spend nights at home, because the three men who can make me smile after a rough day are right there--laughing and joking, discussing life's little problems or just being in each others presence. There's no logical reason the three of us should have such great relationships, we're all so different but what we've created here is more like a family, our home a safe-haven where anything that happens stays here and we go out of our way for each other.

To me, building a home has been the most important key to my small but valuable life. No matter what happens outside this house, I know what I have to come back to. I know I can make a simple phone call to Jim or Mike when I'm in a tight spot and there they will be. In the age of social media, there are hundreds of people that you might be 'friends' with, but who are those people that you purposely build relationships with? I used to think having a bunch of friends was so important until I realized that the people I cut out were the gossips, the negative energy in my life and when I was left with just a handful, I knew it was that these people, I wanted to pour my life into and share a relationship with them not just be Saturday night drinking buddies.

When I take time to notice how much my life has changed in the last two years, it always seems like it is mainstreaming to a fulfilling, simple life. I don't go out and party, I rarely spend money on things but rather experiences, and I use about 1/4 of gas preferring to walk and giving up my car. I value a good cup of coffee and conversation with friends during a hike. I've strapped on running shoes instead of alcohol to get out my stress or to reward myself and when I would usually find myself bored, I put a pen in my hand and make a sketch. I'm starting to believe the smaller and simpler the life, the more you are able to dig in your roots and make your relationships with yourself and others deeper. Superficial interactions are eliminated when you live with meaning and purpose whether that's saving a building on the West Side or planting a garden out back. 

More than anything, I think that you miss out when you don't stop to think about the small things in your life. You probably come home every day to the same house, the same people. You probably spend Sunday brunch at the same restaurant, drinking the same cocktail. It's okay to live a small, simple life. One you love and are comfortable in but make sure that you stop and are thankful for the life that you have taken the time to lead and the things you are fortunate to have. I've really done that this week and I'm telling you, it is eye opening what you'll see.